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  • Writer's pictureEmily

In God's Timing

When hope meets faith, miracles happen.

Some days are just sad and hard. I don’t readily admit that, I normally just say that I’m fine and block it out to move forward. Many of you may have read my post about infertility and how Madelynn came to be in the world, but what I didn’t let on was that right before I shared that post, we’d just learned that our first round of IUI for Baby H #2 had failed.

I wasn’t ready to let that be known to the world. I’m still not sure that I’m ready to let the world know, but writing is how I get through the hard times in life, so here I am.

September is PCOS Awareness Month so it seems like an appropriate time to share this & raise some awareness about infertility related to PCOS.

Very few people knew we’d done a round of IUI in April or May. I’ve debated whether or not to even share this post. I wrote most of it immediately following the results of our first round and felt like the anger I was feeling is apparent in my writing. But, I’ve decided to share it–exactly as it was originally written–because it’s hard to find posts written during the hardest parts of infertility. Usually, you find blog posts written towards the end of the journey once good news or more answers have come. Maybe they’re finally pregnant, or maybe they’ve decided to move forward with adoption or maybe they decided on having no kids at all. So, here’s my feelings about our infertility struggles–anger & all!

It took us a long time to even decide if we wanted to have another baby. So why do I feel this sad about a failed round? Sad doesn’t even cover it. I tried to block it out and move forward, but, quite honestly, I feel crushed. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to endure another pregnancy or C-section. Shouldn’t I feel relieved? Why am I so crushed?